staring down a cigarette

The tinybook is in the shop, and I've got a quiet evening in. I'm officially Quitting Smoking. I finished my last pack on Monday, have since bummed one full cigarette, a half of a cigarette, a third of a different cigarette and a, most recently, a huff on a cigarette. At this moment, my one cigarette that I'm 'allowed' for the day is beckoning...

We went camping on the weekend to celebrate my birthday, at Earl Rowe Provincial Park just west of Alliston, it was a wonderful time. 3 meals a day cooked over a fire! and then there's lake swimming, bike riding, sky watching, cribbage playing, lots of peeing in the bushes and, as a grand finale, experiencing an epic lightning/thunderstorm from a not-quite waterproof tent. It was all such an adventure! My deepest appreciation to my beloved for a wonderful birthday weekend :)

On our drive up Byron suggested trying to quit smoking again. Our most serious attempt at this was a few years ago on a trip to Regina. I found it to be incredibly stressful, and recall being inappropriately crabby and unpleasant. Of course that's no reason not to try again, in fact it's a really good reason to try again. We should be horrified that we're so enslaved to nicotine that it has this kind of effect on us. So, we're trying again :)

I think I'm in better shape this time, mentally and physically. I've been doing lots of reading about learning to live smoke-free,and it all seems very practical. It's clear that quitting smoking isn't impossible, it just has to be done right, with 'right' being whatever works for an individual. I think it could take many years and many tries to discover the right way to quit, so I might as well get this go-round started, eh? There's tons of info on the internet about quitting smoking, but I've found a very thought provoking and informative website at http://whyquit.com/ and have been reading my way through it almost exclusively lately.

I'm finding the cravings interesting and am hoping to outsmart them this time, instead of just giving in. For example, I was being tempted by a cigarette when I sat down to start this post. Why? Because originally I was going to go out and sit on the porch, and I've always smoked on the porch. Silly, eh? Why not just go out and sit on the porch? 'cause then I'd be just sitting on the porch, not smoking but probably thinking of smoking.

I need to learn how to occupy myself during my regular smoke breaks, so that I'll be doing something else, and that's an interesting challenge. So far tonight I've weeded the back garden, collected seeds from my kale plant, talked to the contractor next door, made an awesome pendant that I'm going give as a gift, and begun crocheting a ninja doll for my niece. The days are more challenging, I find it boring to hang around in the lunchroom eating yogurt instead of standing outside in the sun....oh well. If the blogs I've been reading are any indication, it's a small price to pay for eventually being able to taste food and smell things and save a bunch of money and stop poisoning myself I suppose. :)

By the way, I'd posted weeks ago about starting to run, and I was pretty self satisfied. I ran every other day for a week, and since then haven't gone more than 5 minutes at a time. Last night I saw our friend Wanda's walking log, and she 'walks' as fast as I run. Hilarious! I will claim that this is partially due to her longer stride and greater inseam. Whatever, it's a good excuse to quit screwing around and get back on track!

the cigarette that was calling my name earlier has been dealt with; it's back in the box with its brethren, waiting for the next opportunity. In the meantime, I shall take the next 15 minute non-smoke break to play some violent video games!