Lately I've been reassessing my social interactions with people, and realizing that sometimes I'm not always the most delicate or diplomatic person-- especially when dealing with people who have a tendency to be emotional. I've been trying to watch what I say in an attempt to avoid being shrieked at, but really, it's hard to keep some of this stuff in.
So...here in the comfort of my own blog, I'm letting my deep inner opinions out on a couple of topics that have really rankled lately. Please feel free to not shriek at me or try to make me feel guilty or like a bad person, this is me thinking out loud.
#1) Dear someone I'm related to:
I'm sorry you are having a tummultuous time with your teenager. Teenagers do indeed lead very dramatic lives, and as I recall from my own youth, this drama often leaks out into the lives of those close to them.
I was looking forward to spending time with this youngster this weekend, as I have on a few weekends in the past. I like to think that she benefits from having an adult in her life who tries to treat her like an adult, and I have to admit that I enjoy the time we spend together, as she provides me with a unique perspective and appreciation of the world around us.
I understand that she has had a disappointing time at school this year, I'm as horrified as you are at the marks she's brought home. What I don't understand is this: she's not old enough to drink, or vote, or take driving lessons, she's not even permitted to select her own clothes or, in your own opinion, take the bus by herself. I don't think she's ever had to do any chores at home, or earn an allowance; everything she has has been provided for her by the well-meaning adults in her life. What in the world makes you think that she can be solely responsible for her own academic success?
You say that she should have asked her dad or someone at school for help if she's floundering. Do these resources make it easy for her to do so? Do you know how hard it can be to ask for help from someone who uses words like 'dummy' or 'idiot'? Do you ask her about school? If so, how could it be 8 weeks into the school year before you discover she's failing? Do you allow her to make mistakes without judging her? Do you help her to find solutions? And just FYI, I failed math a few times during my high school years; I acknowledge that I'm particularly dense sometimes, but I don't think that there are many teens who worry about what failing a class means for their future.
I know that you were surprised to hear that she helps out when she's here, and what I wish I could tell you (without you freaking out at one or both of us) is that I think she's cooperative because we do things *together*. I appreciate what she does and I'm not afraid to tell her when she does something well; she's almost grown up, but like pretty much every child, she responds to positive feedback. I'm also not afraid to disagree with her, which happened last time she was here, and our disagreements don't have to end in screaming or crying or someone being 'right'.
I can't even imagine what it's like to raise a kid in this crazy world that we live in. It must be scary. What I can tell you from my own experience as a kid is that shouting, guilting, threatening or belittling only serve to close doors. Please don't feel threatened by me, or punish your kid by denying her time spent with someone who cares and listens and speaks honestly to her, I can't see this doing any of us any good.
I'd love it if you could take the advice you've given her, and ask for help if you need it. I can't tell you this, though, because if you freak out I might be banished from your lives. If you could overcome your shame or pride or whatever it is that inhibits you from talking about this stuff, you'd find that other parents are in the same boat and things might seem a little more manageable.
#2) Dear clients and colleagues:
I do not "speak Chinese". Chinese isn't even a proper term for a spoken language, its' a nationality. People in China speak a number of languages, Mandarin and Cantonese are the most common. I am not even of Chinese descent. It doesn't matter if you thought I look Chinese, or if you've known me for a number of years and always thought I was Chinese. It doesn't matter how long you stand around my desk and ask, or what reason you give for asking, or how deeply you suspect I might secretly "speak Chinese", I regrettably do not, I'm Japanese, and cannot help you translate anything into or from Chinese (or Japanese, for that matter, so don't even ask). I do recommend you visit one of my colleagues for assistance in translating though, as I believe that some of them might speak African.
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