staring down a cigarette

The tinybook is in the shop, and I've got a quiet evening in. I'm officially Quitting Smoking. I finished my last pack on Monday, have since bummed one full cigarette, a half of a cigarette, a third of a different cigarette and a, most recently, a huff on a cigarette. At this moment, my one cigarette that I'm 'allowed' for the day is beckoning...

We went camping on the weekend to celebrate my birthday, at Earl Rowe Provincial Park just west of Alliston, it was a wonderful time. 3 meals a day cooked over a fire! and then there's lake swimming, bike riding, sky watching, cribbage playing, lots of peeing in the bushes and, as a grand finale, experiencing an epic lightning/thunderstorm from a not-quite waterproof tent. It was all such an adventure! My deepest appreciation to my beloved for a wonderful birthday weekend :)

On our drive up Byron suggested trying to quit smoking again. Our most serious attempt at this was a few years ago on a trip to Regina. I found it to be incredibly stressful, and recall being inappropriately crabby and unpleasant. Of course that's no reason not to try again, in fact it's a really good reason to try again. We should be horrified that we're so enslaved to nicotine that it has this kind of effect on us. So, we're trying again :)

I think I'm in better shape this time, mentally and physically. I've been doing lots of reading about learning to live smoke-free,and it all seems very practical. It's clear that quitting smoking isn't impossible, it just has to be done right, with 'right' being whatever works for an individual. I think it could take many years and many tries to discover the right way to quit, so I might as well get this go-round started, eh? There's tons of info on the internet about quitting smoking, but I've found a very thought provoking and informative website at http://whyquit.com/ and have been reading my way through it almost exclusively lately.

I'm finding the cravings interesting and am hoping to outsmart them this time, instead of just giving in. For example, I was being tempted by a cigarette when I sat down to start this post. Why? Because originally I was going to go out and sit on the porch, and I've always smoked on the porch. Silly, eh? Why not just go out and sit on the porch? 'cause then I'd be just sitting on the porch, not smoking but probably thinking of smoking.

I need to learn how to occupy myself during my regular smoke breaks, so that I'll be doing something else, and that's an interesting challenge. So far tonight I've weeded the back garden, collected seeds from my kale plant, talked to the contractor next door, made an awesome pendant that I'm going give as a gift, and begun crocheting a ninja doll for my niece. The days are more challenging, I find it boring to hang around in the lunchroom eating yogurt instead of standing outside in the sun....oh well. If the blogs I've been reading are any indication, it's a small price to pay for eventually being able to taste food and smell things and save a bunch of money and stop poisoning myself I suppose. :)

By the way, I'd posted weeks ago about starting to run, and I was pretty self satisfied. I ran every other day for a week, and since then haven't gone more than 5 minutes at a time. Last night I saw our friend Wanda's walking log, and she 'walks' as fast as I run. Hilarious! I will claim that this is partially due to her longer stride and greater inseam. Whatever, it's a good excuse to quit screwing around and get back on track!

the cigarette that was calling my name earlier has been dealt with; it's back in the box with its brethren, waiting for the next opportunity. In the meantime, I shall take the next 15 minute non-smoke break to play some violent video games!

a little vacation

the little netbook has been feeling under the weather lately, behaving badly and inexplicably. for months Byron has patiently watched me try to cajole the tinybook into cooperating, but with the warranty expiry date looming, I finally placed the much-dreaded call to Acer.

After repeating the tinybook's serial number and SNID over and over to a Stephen Hawking sound-alike named Roger, I was then passed on to a nice lady in India who had me repeat the same information over and over to her. She has kindly invited me to send the netbook on a vacation to the Acer repair centre, where they will apparently do their best to rehabilitate it and return it to me in a timely fashion.

This is a year of fresh starts, so I'm open to the idea of actually doing something productive with the hours per day that I would normally spend in front of my tinybook. I have fantasies of cleaning the house thoroughly and clearing out clutter, catching up on correspondence, or perhaps even just getting to bed at a reasonable hour more often. This means that my Huje Tower at Candystand won't get any Huje-r, and my Facebook Mafia Wars account may stagnate, but maybe it's time for that...it'll be interesting to see what the next couple of tinybookless weeks will bring; may we enjoy a much more satisfying relationship once we're reunited!

werewolf transformations

A few years ago, during a werewolf/vampire movie watching phase, I wondered what a transformed werewolf felt during the process. Most people I asked thought it would hurt, but for some reason I always figured it would feel good, the way I think a butterfly emerging from its cocoon would feel good.

I've been happily noticing changes in myself since we've started going to the gym regularly. I feel stronger, long difficult days don't feel as long and difficult, and surprise myself by being willing to take on more and more challenges (I can now run 1.5 miles in 21 minutes, woo!)

Now, as we sit here watching From Hell I'm stretching and being vain and checking out my muscles. I'm realizing just how much my body is reshaping itself under my skin and remaining pudge, and I'm feeling a little werewolfish. I now think I have a better idea of how the transformation feels, just over a much longer time frame. It's been painful, a fair bit of reluctant, difficult work, but it feels glorious. :)

running--not just for crazy people anymore!

or maybe I've gone crazy :) Byron and I have signed up to do the Warrior Dash in September, and it occurred to me that in our gym-going efforts it would be good for me to try running. The event is 3.23 miles long, with some rather challenging obstacles along the way. I think the obstacles look like fun, but the 3.23 miles -- eehh. I've never really run much, it just never really seemed very appealing.

I move slowly, and in fact I like moving slowly. I see way more interesting stuff if I'm moseying down the street...little cats hiding behind cars that will come to me if I make noises at them, bugs trundling along the sidewalk, birds singing in the trees. Unfortunately, if I mosey during the race I'll likely end up with a finish time of several hours; generally, during the course of several hours I need to use the toilet at least once, and spending several hours in soggy, muddy clothes and having to pee probably is *not* one of the keys to an optimally enjoyable Warrior Dash. So then..

After our workout we usually do 30 minutes of cardio. Lately Byron's been trying to teach me to play squash (lesson two this past Sunday: still trying to hit the ball) in lieu of the cross trainer. Tonight I decided to run til I couldn't anymore. With Patrick Swayze singing "she's like the wind" in my mind, I triumphantly managed 13 minutes on the treadmill. To be fair, it wasn't really running. I did intervals, one minute at 3 miles/hr, one minute at 4 miles/hr, so it was more like 'hurrying' interspersed with episodes of 'scooting'. I also managed about 30 seconds at 6 miles/hr at the end, which is really what made that the end. Hey, when you've got a 24 inch inseam, 6 miles is a lot of ground to cover in an hour :P

I'm hoping that with each attempt I can improve something; maybe speed up the hurrying intervals, or make the scooting intervals longer, or the overall time longer...the potential for improvement is vast!

Warrior dash

warrior dash--an obstacle course run (and crawled through and slid down and climbed) in costume!

I think this sounds like a fun and challenging time, and there is discussion in the monkeyhouse of taking a long weekend in September to participate in the northeast dash. anyone else out there interested?

gymwardbound (the work out til you grunt program)

I've had a membership at the YMCA for almost fourteen years. I love it, they make active living accessible to a huge number of people and kids. Unfortunately, I hardly ever go.

This winter, probably while we were in for an evening of quiet tube-watching, Byron suggested that since we've both been a little (or more) slack about going to our prospective gyms we should go to a gym together. We got him a month's trial membership at the Y, and have been making it a priority to actually get there on a semi regular basis.

I used to dread doing weights, mostly preferring to slack off and do cardio (and then saying to myself "at least I did some cardio...'') but in a few short weeks of doing set after set of weights, I'm already coming to admire the results. Y'see, Byron's introduced a whole work-til-you-grunt attitude to my gym experience, something I've seen but never really understood. I was more of a work-til-you-break-a-sweat type of girl.

Byron's method is more challenging, but has proven to be more rewarding as well. It's January, but my arms are looking as beefy as they do during the peak of kayaking season, and while preparing for a bath tonight I made the first conscious sighting of my latissimus dorsi!

I usually spend a day or two a week being sore, but I've also discovered the utter relaxation and rejuvination that epsom salt baths can offer.

Last night we made our first trip back to the Y as full members. We lifted weights and then tried out the bosu ball and Gravitron 2000 (I will master both, eventually. Right now I'd settle for mastering one). We worked hard, then ate sensibly and slept like babies. So simple! I like it.

Looking forward to the new gym challenges, and to being pleased to know that they won't kill me, they'll just hurt me a bit til I can master them :) I think I see the 1-minute plank looming on the horizon!

my trip to non-church

I have an unexpected day off today, and was excited at the chance to get some errands done. This time of year is when my tendency to procrastinate really catches up to me.

I enjoy the idea of Christmas, but find it difficult to really get into the Christmas spirit. Mostly I dread going to the malls.

I've gotten a fair bit of stuff done, especially considering it's still a week til Christmas. Some surprisingly pleasant exchanges with shop staff have made the potentially arduous task of Christmas shopping a lot more enjoyable, but I'm still finding myself a bit weary of the ambient hustle-and-bustle.

After a triumphant morning of getting stuff done, I found myself outside the Eaton Centre, in the laneway near Holy Trinity Church. On a whim, I wandered in, and found the atmosphere so peaceful and inviting that after wandering around the main hall for a bit I ventured in, found an armchair, and sat quietly for an hour, finishing my latest knitting project.

I enjoyed the sun through the stained-glass windows, and the hardwood floor that creaked as the little church secretary scurried around on god's business. I contemplated the scattering of homeless folks seated in the pews, each with his free cup of coffee. I enjoyed the relative silence; I could hear the lunch-hour pedestrians outside the open church door, and one of the old gents in the church was a shaggy looking mutterer, but even he had the reverence to mutter quietly.

I wonder what people think when they're in church? I like churches. I like the potential that churches have in uniting communities, and the voice that a strong, united community can have in our culture. I like the quietness and the atmosphere, and the way you feel like you should speak in a hushed voice; I also like the knowledge that thousands and thousands of other people throughout the years have enjoyed the same space and architecture that I'm currently enjoying. I just don't agree with the things churches like to tell people. We build beautiful spaces like churches that are really for the community at whole, but because of what they preach on Sundays I've always found myself steering clear of them.

On my way out, the little old secretary told me to come for the services, but I'd rather not. I do, however, like going to non-church, where you come as you are, believe whatever you want without being wrong, and can be a good person just because it feels nice. I think I'll do it again soon.