nothing and everything

well well well, it's been a couple of weeks since our whirlwind trip Quebec city. It was a great and refreshing getaway, full of good food, wonderful sights and bonhomie.

In the weeks since then, I've had renewed energy and have thrown myself into reading (The Brain That Changes Itself by Norman Doidge and The Reformation: A Very Short Introduction by Peter Marshall), becoming active on a couple of Asperger's forums, getting out in the garden and being as happy as a little clam at work. My cubicle mate got moved, so now I have the whole cube to myself, and am no longer self-conscious about interacting with my clients the way that works best for me. All in all, these are some pretty good days.

Perhaps due to the assessment I had earlier this year (and the subsequent Asperger's diagnosis), I've come to feel that this year already has been pretty eventful. I've discovered new ways of thinking, slightly different ways of interacting with people and expressing myself, and seemingly more successful ways of managing problems. In the past I'd call each of these mini-triumphs an epiphany, but this all has been much more than just an epiphany...it feels more like a convergence of epiphanies.

To celebrate all of this, I went out and got a tattoo today. I had originally wanted an enso tattoo in white ink on my palm, but most tattoo artists flat out won't do palms, and many won't do white tattoos. I found a lady who suggested we do it in black, and then successfully talked me out of doing it on my palm (this is apparently a terribly painful place to get a tattoo, and is the optimal site for infection and other problems). We ended up doing a white enso on my right wrist, and you know, it didn't really hurt much. I think I could have handled the painon my palm, but she's probably right, being unable to fully use my right hand for a month might have become a bit of a hassle.

The enso can be said to represent any number of things, depending on who you ask or what you read. It can represent enlightenment, rebirth, the cosmos, the void, the cyclical nature of life. To me, it looks like a representation of change over time, as the brush loses ink and the brush stroke tapers off. The act of painting enso is sometimes used as mindfulness practice, where each enso is a one-off, representing the energy of the moment of its creation. No other enso drawn will ever be the same. During my reading I came across the idea of wabi-sabi, the belief that nothing is permanent, complete or perfect. The white ink is likely not going to be permanent; for me, this is part of the appeal. It made sense to me to get a tattoo (itself a symbol of permanence) that will eventually fade and become a scar over the years.

At the moment the tattoo looks like I was bitten on the arm by a rabid child (it is only 7 hours old), but I will post a picture at some point. :)

Quebec City, day 2

Day two in Quebec City started early, with a nice little basket of breakfast delivered to our room. A fresh croissant, jam and a little muffin and some coffee provided enough fuel in our tanks to get us out wandering up the hill into the old part of the city. The snow that was forecast for today held off, and we spent 7 hours or so wandering the cobblestone streets, browsing some galleries, looking at statues, climbing up and down many many stairs. This, of course, is a lot of work! So we had to make frequent stops for pastries, coffee, and lunch.

After a return to the hotel for a well deserved nap, we were up in time to make our reservation at a local restaurant specializing in rabbit. Good old traditional french homestyle cooking! I like to imagine that our dinners were originally very practical dishes whipped up by French farmwives with a surplus of varmint. We had rabbit rilettes to start, a lovely spread that reminded a little of flaked tuna in texture. Byron had a cassoulet with rabbit leg, and I chowed down on rabbit pie.

Now we're pooped...it seems like we're doing a lot of indulgent eating, but we did pretty much walk our feet off today, so hopefully it'll all even out. We'll see what tomorrow brings, perhaps a trip outside the city to explore the Ile D'orleans...

A load of photos to be posted once I have the energy to ;)

Quebec city, yay!

hahah! it's been ages since I've posted. so typical. It's not that I don't do anything, or that I don't do anything exciting, I just have such a short attention span that by the time I've got the laptop in hand (or on lap, as it were) so much other stuff has happened that I feel overwhelmed and I usually can't even bring myself to attempt to record any of it here. I blame Hans Asperger for identifying a number of traits that would later be collectively described as a syndrome that I dislike to name, because in my head it always is spelled Ass-burgers, which makes me giggle, and then brings great shame, because I know I'm being juvenile. If it weren't for him, I'd be able to be simply quirky.

But I digress.. the past 24 hours have been exciting. Here's what I (and Byron) have been up to:

Thurs, 6:00 pm: my first metalworking class, yay! got to handle an oxy/acetelyne torch, burned holes in my glove, a piece of sheet metal the work table and my finger. It was not a magic torch, it took much effort and several attempts to do all of this damage. I also almost poked my kind workmate (a huge south american gentleman whose smock proclaimed him to be Ella) in the face with a piece of wire, which he assured me was ok. My self imposed homework is to attempt to practice mindfulness.

Thurs, 10:00 pm: home to finish laundry, pack, try to ge to sleep early (manage to get to sleep around 1:30) Byron indicates a desire to 'sleep in' til 7 if possible.

Fri, 5:30 am: Byron wakes up to find my scantily clad and crawling around on the kitchen floor and being noisy. A seizure of some sort? sleepwalking, perhaps? no, just trying to catch a mouse. Sorry, Byron!

Fri, 6:30 am: on the road, Quebec City or bust!

Fri, 10:30-ish am: stop at Trenton for coffee, nibbles and a stretch. making good time, lovely, sunny weather.

Fri, 12:30 pm: stop at Benny Poulet on Autoroute Felix Leclerc (near Antoine de Lavalrie) for some poulet et frites delicieux! light snow.

Fri, 3:30 pm: beinvenue a Quebec! our hotel, the Hotel des Coutellier, is a lovely little place facing the harbour in the old part of town. snowing steadily, time for a quick peek around the 'hood.

Fri, 5:00 pm: looks like the area is full of galleries, antique stores and other neat little boutiques, time for eats! Time to mosey back to the hotel for dinner at the restaurant downstairs, Moss--specializing in Belgian food. What's Belgian food? Apparently, it includes good bread, beer, lots of mussels, and steak tartare! Yummy. Found a bonus layer of capers in my dinner, I love capers. Tricked the host into thinking we spoke French, right up until about 40 seconds in, when he asked if he could take our coats. I was pleased with myself. Snowing heavily!

Fri, 6:30 pm: up to the room, for some quiet time spent loafing around in hotel bathrobe and surfing the 'net, possibly bedtime soon :)

Looking forward to what Samedi brings...more snow, apparently, but also perhaps a visit to a cabane a sucre and more attempts to speak the local lingo.

preparing for the arrival

in a little more than 24 hours we will be welcoming our brand new baby car--a healthy, sturdy little 5 door 2010 Honda Fit. For someone who's not really a car person, I'm pretty excited about this. The Fit is highly rated for safety and fuel efficiency, and it seems pretty versatile as well.

It's coming to us all kitted out with various extras and warranties that'll keep us safe and sound (hopefully) for the next 7 years. This is comforting to me. The car that currently lives with us was born in 1998, and I haven't really trusted it since the day years ago when Byron (and the car) were cursed by a fellow motorist. Byron isn't the superstitious type, but the car might be; shortly after the curse was uttered the car refused to go and required some costly towing and repairs.

Looking forward to many happy years with our new baby! we're already starting to put together road trip ideas for next summer.

crabby letters that I'll never send

It's been a while since I've posted anything. Fall is here, with its blustery days and lovely colours, the nights are getting longer and chillier, and hitting the snooze button in the mornings and snuggling back down into that wonderful early morning sleep is all the more appealing.

Lately I've been reassessing my social interactions with people, and realizing that sometimes I'm not always the most delicate or diplomatic person-- especially when dealing with people who have a tendency to be emotional. I've been trying to watch what I say in an attempt to avoid being shrieked at, but really, it's hard to keep some of this stuff in.

So...here in the comfort of my own blog, I'm letting my deep inner opinions out on a couple of topics that have really rankled lately. Please feel free to not shriek at me or try to make me feel guilty or like a bad person, this is me thinking out loud.

#1) Dear someone I'm related to:

I'm sorry you are having a tummultuous time with your teenager. Teenagers do indeed lead very dramatic lives, and as I recall from my own youth, this drama often leaks out into the lives of those close to them.

I was looking forward to spending time with this youngster this weekend, as I have on a few weekends in the past. I like to think that she benefits from having an adult in her life who tries to treat her like an adult, and I have to admit that I enjoy the time we spend together, as she provides me with a unique perspective and appreciation of the world around us.

I understand that she has had a disappointing time at school this year, I'm as horrified as you are at the marks she's brought home. What I don't understand is this: she's not old enough to drink, or vote, or take driving lessons, she's not even permitted to select her own clothes or, in your own opinion, take the bus by herself. I don't think she's ever had to do any chores at home, or earn an allowance; everything she has has been provided for her by the well-meaning adults in her life. What in the world makes you think that she can be solely responsible for her own academic success?

You say that she should have asked her dad or someone at school for help if she's floundering. Do these resources make it easy for her to do so? Do you know how hard it can be to ask for help from someone who uses words like 'dummy' or 'idiot'? Do you ask her about school? If so, how could it be 8 weeks into the school year before you discover she's failing? Do you allow her to make mistakes without judging her? Do you help her to find solutions? And just FYI, I failed math a few times during my high school years; I acknowledge that I'm particularly dense sometimes, but I don't think that there are many teens who worry about what failing a class means for their future.

I know that you were surprised to hear that she helps out when she's here, and what I wish I could tell you (without you freaking out at one or both of us) is that I think she's cooperative because we do things *together*. I appreciate what she does and I'm not afraid to tell her when she does something well; she's almost grown up, but like pretty much every child, she responds to positive feedback. I'm also not afraid to disagree with her, which happened last time she was here, and our disagreements don't have to end in screaming or crying or someone being 'right'.

I can't even imagine what it's like to raise a kid in this crazy world that we live in. It must be scary. What I can tell you from my own experience as a kid is that shouting, guilting, threatening or belittling only serve to close doors. Please don't feel threatened by me, or punish your kid by denying her time spent with someone who cares and listens and speaks honestly to her, I can't see this doing any of us any good.

I'd love it if you could take the advice you've given her, and ask for help if you need it. I can't tell you this, though, because if you freak out I might be banished from your lives. If you could overcome your shame or pride or whatever it is that inhibits you from talking about this stuff, you'd find that other parents are in the same boat and things might seem a little more manageable.

#2) Dear clients and colleagues:

I do not "speak Chinese". Chinese isn't even a proper term for a spoken language, its' a nationality. People in China speak a number of languages, Mandarin and Cantonese are the most common. I am not even of Chinese descent. It doesn't matter if you thought I look Chinese, or if you've known me for a number of years and always thought I was Chinese. It doesn't matter how long you stand around my desk and ask, or what reason you give for asking, or how deeply you suspect I might secretly "speak Chinese", I regrettably do not, I'm Japanese, and cannot help you translate anything into or from Chinese (or Japanese, for that matter, so don't even ask). I do recommend you visit one of my colleagues for assistance in translating though, as I believe that some of them might speak African.

road trip day 2!

Day 2 of our road trip started out with a nice (and free) continental breakfast in the hotel, where we met one of our fellow guests, a lady from Ohio who was visiting Auburn with her husband. I tend to disagree with Americans collectively, but always seem to find individual American citizens amicable and polite; I think this is how my dad feels about Korean people. In fact, now that I think about it, this is how I feel about people in general. :)

From Auburn we continued along the small-town tour of upstate New York, making our way through Skeneatles (another quaint little town, reminiscent of the town of old Markham) and Lafayette, which was in the middle of some beautiful hilly farm country. Cazenovia had some beautiful and huge old colonial homes, I can picture Martha Stewart living in such a place.

The approach to Albany became little hairy, when we became aware of the deficiencies of the state's road signage around the same time we learned how imprecies our map is. Somewhere along the way, while still hurtling along at 55 mph, the navigator on our little expedition realized that she had never really looked at a US map from a driver's point of view and didn't really understand which little dots on the map corresponded with which town names, and which little numbers represented which exits on the highway. After a few detours and missing a couple of exits, we finally rolled into our hotel. A surprisingly good lunch at Panera Bakery got our day back on track, and after a nap and a dip in the pool we were feeling human once more.

Dinner at Chili's was interesting. Apparently all the big chain restaurants in NY state are now required to list the calorie content on their menus. It's an eye-opener, but I can see this being a good thing once people get used to it. With the help of the new menu, I chose a nice, relatively healthy (and tasty) margarita chicken (600 calories) instead of a burger (1400 calories). We decided to forgo the 500-700 calorie appetizers, figuring none of them were worth it. Knowledge is power! Unfortunately, having saved ourselves these unnecessary calories at dinner, we decided we were entitled to a few later, and have since discovered Nutter butter cookies. um...

road trip, day 1

we're finally on the road, en route to Windham NY where we will crawl through the mud and hopefully leap over a fire pit alongside several thousand of our American brould n';eetheren. It's going to be an exciting time for sure, but there are some adventures to be had before then...

we left home yesterday during an almost biblical downpour. the driving was...well, actually, I don't know, since I did absolutely none of it. Byron says our little rental Hyundai Accent is 'gutless' but I think if that's the worst he can say about it then it's not so bad. It's far better than being 'unsteerable' or 'difficult to bring to a stop', for example.

We tried to make good time, but the trip from Toronto to Auburn, NY somehow took almost 8 hours. We did spend quite a frustrating time trying to get out of Niagara Falls ("ooh, look, we can cross right at the falls! Won't that be nice!") and we wouldn't want to regret not getting wings for lunch in Buffalo, so we had to stop there for a while. We also passed through all sorts of tiny places that I'd never heard of: East Aurora with its surprising wind farms, Varysburg, a quaint little town, Attica (which has a gigantic walled-in jail in the middle of a suburb...unless the suburb grew up around the jail). Lima NY didn't seem to have a public washroom, and so found its soil amended ever so slightly...we also were stopped in Lima by a fellow in a car who offered to sell us meat out of the back of his truck. We eventually made our way to Auburn, where we slept like logs at the Inn at Finger Lakes. On to Albany in the morning!